A higher power? I am starting to believe in such

I have missed posting my thoughts in a somewhat cryptic fashion. I just do not have the time, an abundance of potential writing topics and ideas continually proliferate my thoughts, the hands on the clock only run far too quickly. I do however find myself maturing each and everyday, in various areas of course, but the end result is an overall maturation. I preach change never occurs, and to some extant I do agree with such a statement. I find change occurs in a cyclic fashion, that is one can change, but one the maximal point of alterations occur, said person begins returning to a previous state. Several of the cyclic patterns can occur simultaneously and at varying degrees. For example, a person can be achieving optimal change in the area of theoretical understanding, while regressing to a state of lower social interaction. or, such changes can both be occurring toward a similar destination, but at different rates. i.e. A person's belief of self worth can be increasing at the same time as said person improves ability to communicate, with one achieving optimal outcomes more rapidly than the other. External factors of course act upon such changes and restrict growth from forever inclining, which of course would lead to severe cases of mania, resulting in some for of homicide on the person by an outside force ( a completely manic person being killed by a man with a short temper and low threshold for such actions).

Blah, when I am not falling asleep I shall amend and improve such thoughts, just one of a multitude of thoughts and concepts I possess. Others would include cancer being contagious, which is TRUE!!! Cancer is derived from the inability of the body's (host) immune system to eliminate multiplying cancer cells. Of course such a deficiency would be the direct result of the body attempting to create an anti-body to some sort of an infect, more specifically a virus. A virus attacks the host, the host automatically responds with a cascade effect eventually resulting with the production of anti-bodies. Through some fashion or mechanism (perhaps inadequate development of T and B cells in the thyroid due to birth defects) these anti-body cells can no longer distinguish self from not. Resulting in the inability to prevent rapid growth of infect cancer cell. Oh, and whenever in the past I have said that everyone has cancer, yes I was correct again. Everyone has cancer cells, but it is NK Cells (Natural Killing Cells) when monitor and restrict cancer cells from growing abnormally and abundantly, because we all need some bad elements to create balance and a state of homeostasis. Of course these cells are altered by anti-bodies and response mechanisms resulting in the high concentration of defenses in specified locations. Once again, once these mechanisms become impaired or deficient, they can no longer successfully prevent the abundant growth of cancer cells (that is in the case of cancer) (some cancer types that is). This is also similar to auto immune diseases, which cancer is now being closer related to.

Just a few of several, as I begin to think back on various accusations and proposals I made in previous conversations in life, I begin to analyze them for accuracy. I find such dealings fun. Then I fall asleep, that's how most nights go, of course that is when I am not mulling over some desired psychiatric experiment or hypothesis.

My time has become limited, so I am not exactly positive of when future posts shall occur. I do somewhat enjoy my silence. But the thoughts continually run through my head, surprisingly I do not receive the amount of joy from such trivial internet games as one would originally propose; however, such a statement does not mean I find them, comforting? yeah I guess such a word would be accurate. Substitution for such interaction will suffice. This is also why I enjoy silence, I never realized how easily I can sound like s creeper, not cool at all. The end result in my humiliation, so perhaps ceasing will occur. sleep now. wait i shall.

- Joshua Buchanan

And I'm

Josh Buchanan

Enjoys rainfall and meteor showers.
School resumes promptly on Tuesday, online classes on Monday
15 hours, great stuff. Dean's List once again shall be my goal, among a few others...
Outlook appears promising.
One Year of working at the hospital is quickly approaching, along with my 21st birthday.
I am getting old
Work hard now and retired as soon as I can
Hopefully social security will still be there, but I doubt it
Damn Obama has spent more money so far than Bush had his entire Presidency
Fuck-ups in the White House, if only he would show his white half all the time
Yay for town hall meetings
I do hope we have on in town, I will be in attendance
Not so much to voice my opinion, granted I will if the chance presents itself, but more so just to experience the ordeal
Christians get all mad and forget about their beliefs and such
Oddly enough, speaking of religion....
Why oh why


Inglorious Bastards = joy (Brad Pitt) :)

Peace

Allusions

Another day of facing reoccurring disorders, I find it somewhat ironic as I come across them while pouring over my nursing books. I am pleased to be taking psychiatric nursing this semester along with the assigned clinical. Originally I was faced with having to drive to Central State every Monday and having to arrive no later than 730, to my delight, my schedule was changed to a Friday clinical at Houston Medical Center. My fundamentals of nursing clinical is slated for Wednesdays at the Perry Hospital, where I currently am employed, I wonder how such a feat was arranged... I do enjoy working for my boss, doing such results in wonderful advantages. One could say I am blessed or lucky to have my schedule pan out in such a fashion, I personally just go with it. I have never know failure when I attempt success, as far as education is concerned. Yes I have failed classes in high school, but damn, that was my own personal decision, I mean I went from making A's in my honors classes to making 40s. Now I am back to my A status so to speak. I have only been granted a quick taste of success concerning sports; softball mainly. Perhaps such deprivation is the causative agent for my vigorous and soul-consuming involvement. As an individual I am successful, the downfall of team sports is just that; it is a team effort. Offers to play in Macon and for traveling teams have been met with denial, education comes first, sadly. I do not precisely know how to accurately depict and describe the allure of performing on the field of play. It is a sensation like none other. I come face to face with my demons and vanquish them, if only for an brief period of respite. For it seems one source demands exclusive rights to my thoughts, or better yet my conscious, for it already owns my preconscious, and my unconscious runs wild with excitement. I know I will never be sane again, even if somehow I do accomplish achieving my personal longings. Actually, yes, if such an act would be granted to come to fruition I would be let down from my cross, hopefully never to return. Sadly, I currently have a ladder placed at my feet and my extremities are loosed; however I refuse to come down and rest in the open arms. Despicable. Such acts scar me on the inside. Pathetic is how I would best describe a state. While I do consider myself somewhat of an expert at psychoanalysis, I fail to determine the root of cause for these feelings. Everyone else I can embody and predict their future events and produce reasoning and unconscious motivations, yet for me in this area when I open my minds eye and peer into thought, I am met with nothingness. Revelations made regarding my mannerisms appear on a weekly basis, allowing myself to corrector refine such behaviors; however, I simply do not know why or how I became engrossed and entangled. lol, that actually reminds me of a lyric from a Maroon 5 song. Yes I am able to make light if such a state, but it always seem to return with a fierce vengeance, hellbent on permanently remaining. I loathe every aspect pertaining to it ( I also hate using the word it, but I did not feel the need to go back and state the aforementioned predicament, so "it" will do). The sun rises and brings about a fresh day. For the moment I supersede the limits of joy and fill each day to the brim with pleasure cheer. The moments of drought in which my cup becomes dry are the moments wherein I grimace and realize who, better yet, what I am. Thirsty, yet all I receive is a sponge of vinegar.

Gadgets

Good band/song.
Hanging out down in Florida, would love for a re before school resumes.
I have been looking at back to school electronics because I have some unhealthy obsession with have the best gadgets and highest price. I want an ereader, and the Kindle DX looks to be the best, it reads textbooks, which what I covet the most. I also am tired of writing my class notes with a pencil/pen on paper. I can npt help but feel sadden for the tree community, giving their lives so that I may doodle in class, attempting to appear busy and actively involved in the learning process. I am in the market for a digital voice recorder and perhaps tablet for note taking, eventually a new laptop shall be required. Ah money makes the world go around. Perfect rewards for my enduring labor. Eventually I do hope for some sort of pocket device which holds and displays books, notes, and recorder lectures and items of the sort' for the sole reason of having it on when while in the field of work, a sort of quick reference database all at your fingertips with the ease of pocket storage coupled with and durable tough screen. That would be the perfect invention for myself. I could import all of my textbooks, scan and transfer all of my vital notes/handouts, quickly bring up recorded lectures , access the internet and watch videos. Perhaps this is already been introduced as a cell phone, damn Mac, but if not then I would graciously incorporate such a device into my daily use. Damn, the more I think about it the more it sounds like an iPhone or a PDA blackberry of the sort. Damn Mac. But I shall research such devices, It would be cool to have all need or desired information with me at all times, especially in the medical field. I cannot tell you how many times I have been at work when a question arises and I am forced to consult books, not that I care because I do oh so love reading through material, it is just a laborious process, especially with the restricted internet capabilities implemented at the hospital. But enough on that matter.

Soccer is starting to kick into full swing. Man U plays Chelsea for the Community Shield, officially kicking off the Premier League season. C Ronaldo is absent from the Red Devils' squad this season, but several eager players are jumping at the opportunity to fill his sweaty, but sexy shoes. I am most excite to watch Michael Owen's attempt to do just that. The leading international goal scorer for England is ready to prove the doubters wrong and to bring the old faithful at Trafford to their feet. I do hope to be able to wwatch several of the matches. Damn I need to jog some more.

Another day down here in the sun, beach tomorrow, pool tonight.Back to studying.

Vacation

Finally

I miss softball

"As greater authors than I have put it: "Let readers imagine" etc. On second thought, I may as well give those imaginations a kick in the pants. I knew I had fallen in love... forever; but I also knew she would not be forever... and then, into a "college girl" - that horror of horrors. The word "forever" referred only to my own passion, to the eternal Lolita as reflected in my blood. The Lolita whose iliac crest had not yet flared," (actually they have, to the extreme, back to the quote) "the Lolita that today I could touch and smell and hear and see, the Lolita of the strident voice and the rich brown hair - of the bangs and the swirls at the sides and the curls at the back, and the sticky hot neck, and the vulgar vocabulary, that Lolita, my Lolita."
-Vladimir Nabokov Lolita


Good stuff,
I have been reading several poems by Anne Sexton
Starry Starry Night is one of particular interest. After scanning over this poem several times, as well as various others by her, I began to research her background and history, only to find it having an abrupt end.

Oh the small, insignificant aspects of life which bring me joy, however it was one particular act, dare I say it was done with intent, which brought a smile to my face.

I do miss trivia night at Buffalo's, work has consumed me, 4 nights a week for a few weeks until school starts back. Yay for money. I just want school to start back up, more than ever.

Poker later on tonight. Poke her? I hardly even know her, lawls
it is never early for saving the french, In Antwort chéri