New Day

New sun on an area of eternal darkness
Will the rays break through
Shall a smile grace the face of permanent grief
All that should be good, all that is love
Was forgotten and defiled by the beholder of thine heart
Inner peace is discovered by those who possess madness
Endless nights comprised of pain ad suffering
Drinking until the black holes overcome one's soul
Misplaced loved combine with justified apathy
Transforming control into fate
As fate would have it, trends shall end
Old eras give rise to new
Fresh hope
Inner peace, without indescribable torture
Self-inflicted
Self-induced
Self-healed
The tourniquet never requires attention
Blood ceases to flow forth
Removal is not an option
Worn as a scar
A timeless symbol for what could of been
What should of never happened
Life and joy shall intertwine
Erasing the turmoil of old
One day I shall allow my love to resurface
Another time, another place, another face
However, they will be cheated
For I will never again love as I have loved you

by me, Josh b

Break Point

I find I do more writing on paper than on here
As of late it seems at least
Perhaps because I write in pen, which can not be erased or backspaced
Infatuated with lyrics, poems, thoughts
Emotions are universal
Each genre of music may have it's own unique sound, however when you read the lyrics they become one
Music just adds a flare so to speak
Words are all that matter

Don't have shit else to say
My emotions will stayed locked within
The only key lost throughout the perils of time
Cut me up, grind me down, put me in a line
With a straw I inhale, make me disappear
No longer willing to share myself with anyone
All for I, including the high


-Me Josh b

Ac/Dc

See me leaning, on the bar
I got my head in a whiskey jar
Feeling good cause the city's alive
I'm getting ready to rock and jive
I get up and I slide across the floor
You wanna come an' I'll meet you at the door
No one can stop us cause we're feeling too right
We're gonna steal our way around tonight

They Say That Hell's Not Hot

I gave my soul to someone else
She must have known that
It was already sold.
It was never about her,
It was about the hurt.
And so I'm waiting
With the sound turned off
I'm waiting
Like a glass balloon
And I'm fading
Into the void and then
I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone...
I kill myself in small amounts
In each relationship it's not
About love.
Just another funeral and
Just another girl left in tears.
I'm waiting
-MM

*Brown

Kiss me it'll heal
But it won't forget

Just Talking

I really must say I enjoy my job
Can not exactly put my finger on it as to why
But I do
Pay is not great and the hours are long, extremely long
However I walk out of the hospital after each shift happy
Maybe I feel as if I am making a difference
I know my coworkers look forward to my arrival and working with me
The favorite I guess you could say
Blessed?
Lucky?
You decided
Either way I am content


Class this morning without Lauren
Sam got her sick
So I was just me
Actually, i enjoyed class and learned stuff
Arrived early
For some reason I like to get there and pretend to be reviewing and just listen to everyone
Some are studying and others excitably discuss the events of prior days
I heard a voice from over my left shoulder ask "what are you wearing, it smells amazing?"
I turned hoping to only be overhearing one asking the other
But as i completed my turn, they we both anxiously awaiting my answer
"um, it's curve."
"well i love it, everyday you come in and sit in front of us and we are just like (some noise i don't know how to express in words)."
"umm, thanks, I like it too."
I turn back around, flip the page in my book and resume my pseudo-reading.
It was not a come on
Just a curious individual who wanted an answer
Plus from earlier and later listening, i discovered she has a steady relationship
Others talked about television programing
And some just studied

Finally got some good sleeping pills
Went to the dr yesterday
told him what was up
and he wrote me a prescription
Asked about some other things
Told me to keep a journal about it
But i am glad to be sleeping, sound

My Account

No plans
No thoughts
No ideas
Everything comes to an abrupt halt
Motionless surroundings
Glancing down upon mourners' frozen gaze
Contemplating, weighing the outcomes
Arms growing heavier as eternal seconds crawl by
Pain is numbed as systems fail
Sweat turning to blood
Pools beneath the eternal figure
Like the phoenix will he rise?
Whims and hopes of nations rest upon his future actions
To their dismay the scene instantly ends
No last words, no last rights spoken
Dismay and disbelief rapidly progresses into betrayal and hate
Taken on a ride, which was not free
Son of lies

1625

It was bound to occur
Saturday I experienced my first encounter with death
Up close and all
The man was 58 years young
had 11 kids
And almost all of them were on hand to view his passing
I spoke to one of his daughters who was my age
She was the one in charge of answering all the phone calls
With 11 children you are going to receive numerous phone calls
I was surprised in her ability to maintain her composure throughout the day
Her father had an unexpected massive stroke, not that strokes are expected
The patient was in the hospital when the stroke took place
When I reported in for work the next night he was clinically brain dead
He had a history of strokes, leading his family to believe he would pull through
His room was directly in front of my station
The image of him lying in bed was constantly in my view
As 1600 rolled around his condition worsened
As his heart rate slowed I walked into his room with his nurse
We both watched as he took his last breath
Everyone in the room fell into pieces
Once they had cleared I had the duty to unhook the monitors and remove his IVs
I could feel the cold skin through my gloves
His daughter walked in and crumbled
I hate nothing to say
For nothing would ease her pain
I will never forget her raw emotion and pain
Time of death, 1625

Tonight

The new 007 movie is coming out, tonight at midnight!
I just discovered this source of joy seconds ago!
Guess I will have to be taking that shower anyways
I shall be attending, even though it will not be as amazing as the last midnight premier I saw,
It will still be amazing if it is half as good as the previous 007, Casino Royal
If only KW was in town tonight...
We can see it again sat night
After the fight
Brock Lesnar and hooters
Great stuff

Golden Age

For there will be a time
A time when everything you know is lost
In that instant you will freeze
Stunned and horrified
Breathless
Heart racing while the mind is still
No excuse for you ignorance
A pardon will not be found
Cast out on the street
Back into the gutter from which came
You look up and cry out to a God in which you do not believe
Silence is the reply
Why should a god believe in you when you do not believe in them
Man, woman, black, white, we all succumb to our demise
How we arrive is what makes us individuals
Why mindlessly follow others as though we are Jews encamped
All roads lead to death
The nescient fools belligerently expect a joy and peace waiting for them
Expect nothing
Oppress your hopes
For when death is upon us we become enslaved to the earth
Once time has passed over our memories
We will then only exist to be trotted upon by the living
Layer after layer will pile upon us
Further pushing us down to the core
Being alive for this is the only hell one could fathom
Alas death is a release
The discovery of peace

(s)Aint

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2buwWJHHV7U

wow
what on earth would drive any man to become that?
As much as it may repulse some, it attracts my attention
Not that I aspire to become what he has, more so I seek to discover his mindset, thought process, what makes him tick
Manson has produced works of art in his lyrics for years
If one can over the initial cringe when seeing him, and actually listen to his lyrical statements, you can begin to perceive who he really is
Marilyn Manson has feelings and emotions just like everyone of us
He uses these raw emotions to draw in those who believe they can relate, that his music sets them free
Manson does it for the attention and more so the money
Find someone who is weak and exploit that weakness for your own gain
It's the way of the world
Barack Obama used it to his advantage and he will become our nations next President
If you give me someones ear I will give you their soul

Thoughts

You want to know what saddens me? If not then please leave this page and never return.
What saddens me is the sheer audacity and self empowerment displayed by many Christians.
While they claim to believe the bible is the only way to live your life, they repeatedly ignore its principals.
I know every man is fallible and must exhibit what Christians call "sin." However, when a quote "christian" hears of on man's struggle in life, how they can not be released from their "sin", or how they just mess up, and their only response as a "christian" is to shun, pass judgment on, belittle, and completely leave someone out in the cold on their own is the last thing a self-proclaimed "Christian" should do. It is the first thing a hypocritical "Christian" would do. Not all "Christians" are like this, but the fact is a vast majority of these "believers" are. Does it not state in the bible to reach out to those in need? Did jesus not help and preform miracles for some of the most reviled citizens of the new testament? Did he ever turn his cheek from a "sinner" when one was in need? It enrages me that most "Christians" first response is one of disgust, judgment, and oh I just can't be around you. Who are you to say that? Did you God say that when you were stuck in your sin and came to him begging to be "set free." No. So what gives you the right to do that to a fellow human? Nothing. This is the biggest reason as to why nonbelievers balked at religion and Christianity altogether. I am not perfect, no saint, and not jesus, nor do i want to be, however, when I claimed to be saved and a Christian I did all I could to live the life fully and to always acceptt and love others who did not believe the same as I, or those who were stuck in a "life of sin." Maybe some people are acting in desperation and only looking for someone to give them a little notice, interest, and care. You do not know what someone is going through or why they are acting the way the are, only the God who you claim to be all knowing would. Let me restate that I am not saying all Christians are this way, but a large majority of them are. When "sinners" see a "Christian" acting in this manner, all interest or desire in "believing" is lost. But go to church and wake up with a clean conscious and go about your life as is, sounds kind of like a catholic to me.

In The Shadow of the Valley of Death

We have no future
heaven wasn't made for me
we burn ourselves to hell
as fast as it can be
and I wish that I could be a king
then I'd know that I am not alone

Maggots put on shirts
Sell each others shit
sometimes I feel so worthless
sometimes I feel discarded
I wish that I was good enough
then I'd know that I am not alone

Death is policeman
Death is the priest
Death is the stereo
Death is a TV
Death is the Tarot
Death is an angel and
Death is our God
killing us all

she puts the seeds in me
plant this dying tree
she's a burning string
and I am just the ashes
-Marilyn Manson

Dope shit
Picks me off the ground when I pass out
Never before has my body felt this sore
Seizing for the loss
Subconscious suicide attempt, perhaps
Regardless I am still here
And I have no fucking reason to try and kill myself
Granted if my time were to come I would not resist
There is no heaven, there is no hell
Just the ground
Eternal peace
Eternal rest
Until that time restlessly I wait
Anticipate the next move
or lack there of

Wii

In hindsight the right decision was made
Why the hell I tried to fight it, i will never know
Only made a fool of myself
Ugh
Things and people never change
So maybe feelings won't either
I never realized hom often I negate everything I say, think, or desire
I can't even watch house without getting sick to my stomach
But life goes on, as I have found
People come back
The first time I broke my heart she was there
And oddly enough she is here the 2nd time
Never thought I would ever talk to her again
So go figure I guess
I no longer pray, I just, don't see what good it does
I am content
Excited about college and the future
Paths may cross again
But I have never been one to stay on a single path
Life is good, and life shall be long
Enjoy it

pt 2

I am
excited for the future of America
Not because I think things will turn out perfectly
Things are going to be anything but that
I look forward to see the way people react
Every is on their knees in a last ditch effort prayer
While others already have both hands out waiting for the good life to be given to them
Others are outraged while some say it is about time
I do not care, I just am glad America has something to get them going again
Maybe from now on people will take voting seriously and start to elect those who have ideals that represent their own, not just because their skin tone match, or they are the better of two evils
Wake up in your history classes and learn what democracy is really about and why this country was founded
Take and stand and support what you believe in
No it is not the end of the world
The sun is not going to burn out anytime soon
And the economy will rise again like it always does
Taxes will become higher
And politicians will always lie because they are human
why make a minority happy when the majority is forced to suffer?
Do not the needs of the many out weigh the needs of the few
Or is it that the few can make more noise?
Hitler was able to take advantage of the weak minded
Congrats to Obama for doing the same
No I am not saying he is Hitler
What you see is what you get
And what's the first thing you notice about him when you see him??
America gets what it deserves
Ignorance is bliss, only until the intelligent take advantage of it and pervert it

Today

is my birthday
even though she was high
I still like the idea of getting married and moving to Canada
It would be nice
We have a black president
At least they will be plenty of things to talk and debate about
Which does bring me joy
Words can not express the extant of my fascination toward humans the ways in which their minds work
The Christians and Conservatives are going to be ready to call it the end of times
While the rednecks are going to grab their ropes and find the nearest tree
Blacks are going to become more typical
While the Jews just sit back and laugh
Canada sounds good, but America will be alright in the end,
Regardless, I would sit run away with her
Only to run away from you.
Happy Birthday Josh

I hate you all
And hope to die