Sunday

Had a dream this afternoon
A random one at that
6 months ago I would of taken it as a sign
Maybe to try and reach back out
Re-establish a connection
But the more i think about it, nothing good can be seen to come from it
Especially if I have to hope for something good to happen
When that is the case nothing good ever happens
While I must say the vivid dreams always have some correlation in what occurs in my life,
I do not wish to see this come to pass
I do not ever want to be in that position again
I never want to be that weak, the vulnerable, that hurt
Is what I do wrong? Is how I treat women now wrong? Am I a bad person?
Is a negative outlook nothing more than a safe outlook?
No I'm not "that guy" or a pig
I just don't give females the chance to get close
I give them what they need and I receive what I need to ignore life
When I wake I still feel nothing for anyone of them
And the drill is known
I said I would never love another and that Caitlin was my last try, and so far it has been the truth
I find it intriguing how Sam likes to analyze and discover what really is going
He just does not seem to understand I just don't care
"How do you know she's not the one? How do you know you aren't closing the door on someone special?"
My reply, I just could not care less, I have no desire for any of it
"well i think you are just afraid of letting someone in"
No, I just don't want any one in, I always seem to trust the wrong ones
Money makes the world go round but it can not buy peace of mind
I cannot seem to spend it fast enough, so now I save it
become a hoard of it, Jewish one my call me
My money is mine, like my heart
Is the heart capable of love?
I believe it is all in the brain and the eyes
When one wants to see love the brain interprets what the eyes see as being love
You can convince yourself into believing anything
Such as dreams having influence one the actions in ones life
I only know how to live my life, not the life of others
I would enjoy nothing more than, well, nevermind
I wish the best of luck to KW
A dear friend who deserves to be happy
Do we all deserve to be happy? No
What we all deserve is death, which will find us all in time
Life is what we make of it
Happiness and Sorrow is what we make it
War and Peace is what we make it
Each day is what we make of it, and if we strive for it to be a good day, then more times than not it will be
Eh, senseless babble
I hate all of it, all of this


Softball is one bright spot, which will soon be extinguished until the spring
My best season yet
By far the best 3rd basemen in the league
i live for the plays I make
Plays that are made by pure reaction
No thought whatsoever
The high is indescribable when you know the other team wishes you were playing for them
No matter what has befallen me it all goes away when I am out there on the field
Fear is just another meaningless 4-letter word such as love
I leave it all out there on the field
Nothing is held or saved for later
I give it my all, and for once something is given in return:
Satisfaction

I enjoy my new laptop
Was a rare find
One of several things that are going my way
So yes things are good, and things are manageable
I find my joys in the simple things

Class all day with Lauren Monday
Maybe lunch with Kaylee
Maybe not, Chapters need to be read
And House needs to be watched


As far as that dream goes,
I am not hard to find
It is what it is