such an overcast day

so i'm pretty much a dick to any and everyone
no discrimination
just me
being an ass
and a douche
I only realize how much I hold back
by pounding drinks and then
listening to the words which come forth
from my mouth
the thing is
i know exactly what to say
to people
to cut them where it hurts the most
figuring people out becomes old
when I am right time after time
so what have i resorted to?
see the good in people
you think I would learn
but I just can't keep going on
like this, well, it's more that I don't want to
so i punch my own ticket
set sail on the seas
draw my own treasure map
and what takes place
me
being
me
aka a dick
and yes I know exactly why such actions occur
my habitual refusal to deal with
myself

what a tragic way
to see our final day

Lauren inquires as to whether I think it will make me happy,
my response
Lauren, when have I ever really been happy?
I don't want the look she gives me
her compassion is better spent towards
her patients at work
not my ass




We won't get far
Flying in circles inside a jar
Because the air we breathe
Is thinning with the words that we speak





i have become impatient
well, I have been impatient
for some time now
well
perhaps
immature is a more accurate descriptor
so now i embark
on a new endeavor
which is as ill-fated as those
coming before
but i mean
may be it'll kill a year
and summer will be back upon me
new degrees might be present
with her needing some time to fill
and i being oh too eager to oblige
events may fall into place
allowing the previous 4 years to be erased
and forgotten
all by
picking up
where we
left
off



i intentionally wrote it out
to be an illegible mess
and forget that we'd ever met
and what did or did not occur
sitting in the station it's all a blur